Why you’d really hate your life if you had cancer and went to CRNA school in the jungle

by Suz on February 3, 2011

I asked myself how it could possibly be more challenging than the jungle.

They're not so bad when you get used to them.

There, I lived with a family of cockroaches and a fear of electrocution.  They said the shower was safe, but the electrical wires surrounding the shower head told me that dying was a distinct possibility.

At least…I would die clean.

I told myself that if I could put up with Ecuador, then anesthesia school would be a breeze.

I quit writing about Ecuador for the same reason I don’t write about school – It’s hard to see the computer screen when you’re bawling .  Not to mention, I had an even better chance at getting electrocuted when the motherboard of my computer filled up with tears.

Although, the worst is over, I do still harbor occasional thoughts of throwing a curare dart at some of the CRNA’s with whom I work.  But now, I have some perspective.  I can look at the new students and say, “Wow- that was pretty awful.”

I get it.

There is no better way to raise the price of their stock in anti-depressant, anti-anxiety, and anti-hypertensive medications than for the CRNA’s and anesthesiologists to terrorize new students.

One thing I have learned in school is instead of crying in a bathroom stall, I should just write a blog post.  That, or reach in my pocket and pull out one of those Ecuadorian darts I’ve been saving.

I learned how to shoot a blowgun from the best.....Just kidding, I don't really know this guy.

I can look back and see that maybe it wasn’t so awful losing a quarter of my hair due to stress…it does accelerate my blow drying time.  And all those missed happy hours? My liver has had a nice break and I’ve turned into a cheap date.

Cheaper, at least.

Breaking down the numbers gives you a little better idea of what the past 17 months have been like.

  • Number of times I wanted to quit school: equals number of times my alarm has gone off for any school related activity
  • Number of times I really, truly, genuinely, honestly, actually, seriously considered quitting school: 4
  • Number of times I’ve been yelled at:  I can’t count that high
  • Number of times I’ve been yelled at and called a liar: 1
  • Number of times I’ve told my husband I miss him: 39,593
  • Percentage of students in my class that started some sort of anti-depressant, anxiety or blood pressure med: 33%
  • Number of times I’ve hidden in the bathroom and cried: 3
  • Number of times I’ve been physically pushed out of the way: 1
  • Number of times my husband has said he wished I never went to school: 1,892
  • Number of gray hair I’ve grown since the start: 6
  • Number of times I’ve hidden in corners/closets/stairways/bathrooms so as not to run into certain people: 84.3
  • Number of good friends and family weddings I’ve had to miss: 3
  • Number of times I’ve been called lazy and unmotivated for taking an hour long lunch: 1
  • Number of times I’ve barely had time to eat at all because I’m so busy: innumerable
  • Number of wrinkles that have appeared on my forehead: 4
  • Number of times I’ve been insulted by instructor due to my being in the Army: 1

One of the girls in my class had breast cancer.  I asked her if she had to pick cancer or anesthesia school to experience again, which she would choose.

She paused and said, “Ooohh, that’s a tough one.  I think I’d pick cancer.”

Pretty much sums it up.

And as for the whole jungle versus anesthesia competition? I was way off.

Yep, I was wrong.

Anesthesia school is way worse than the jungle.

And apparently cancer too.

I know if any of my fellow anesthesia-peeps are reading this, they’re saying, “but wait! you forgot about this or that!” So please tell- What did I miss??

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